Porn Reliant Erections
I want to make clear that by "porn reliant" I'm not referring to "porn addiction."
For one thing, I'm not a clinician, scientist, or sex therapist, and not here to debate whether "porn addiction" is a real thing in the first place. (For the record, I don't believe it is and so I don't ever use the term, which as it's generally applied is beyond the scope of my coaching practice anyway.) That said, I do work with a lot of what could be loosely called porn dependency, by which I mean that specific associations can become so mentally ingrained that a man feels dependent, or at least heavily reliant, on pornographic imagery to maintain his erection.
This phenomenon is also distinct from that of compulsive porn viewing, which is usually something done to the detriment of one's job, relationships, marriage, etc. The clients I hear from are dealing with something different. I get a few calls every year from men complaining of porn-related ED, most of them in their 20s—the generation that grew up with porn literally in their pockets, available all day every day, on their cell phones, every time they masturbate.
For most of them, from their first orgasm onward, porn was involved, wiring their neural pathways to associate sexual response to a specific type of sexual imagery. So much so that when they finally start dating and having (or attempting to have) partnered sex, they're unable to maintain their erections—unless, in some cases, they can pull out a cell phone to watch porn while having sex, which for obvious reasons they (and their partners) consider less than ideal.
Most people are unaware of this burgeoning issue. I've read articles by well-meaning journalists so fearing a "ban all porn" moral panic that they outright dismiss this very real phenomenon of porn dependent erections, insisting these young men's ED is just nerves or first date jitters. But this isn't a "first date" phenomenon; it's an ongoing issue for every one of these men and causes them significant distress. It's not that porn has set their expectations too high causing disappointment with their partners' flawed bodies and natural breasts. Neither are they intimidated or confused by the prospect of genuine emotional intimacy. They like that stuff. They want that stuff!
And eventually they're able to have it, along with a functioning sex life and reliable erections, minus the crutch of porn in bed with them and their partners. In my years as an intimacy coach and surrogate partner, I've helped numerous clients overcome this issue through a specific process of desensitization, with targeted mindfulness and embodiment practice (which is much more fun than it sounds).
Porn dependent erections are treatable, and in some cases can be turned around without professional help, though of course more serious cases will improve faster with an experienced guide, such as a sex therapist, intimacy coach, surrogate partner, or other qualified professional.
